February: a month for LOVE for singles too, not only Valentine’s Day romantic love for couples only!
February can be a tough month if you are single, simply because Valentine’s Day seems to make everything around us this month seem to be about love, romance and relationships. Yet this post is to reassure singles that February can be a month of love for us too!
I’ve never really been big on valentine’s Day myself, maybe I never got the chance to with such an unromantic ex or because of its origins. However, I’m definitely a lover of romance any day of the year that hasn’t changed no matter how much it is missing from my life. As this will be my second Valentine’s Day since getting out of a long-term toxic relationship, I’m determined to make it still a time of love, by making it a time of self-love regardless of not having a partner to love and spoil you on the big V day.
Yet when romance isn’t an option as there isn’t a special someone in your life to have that with, it doesn’t mean that love isn’t an option. There are many types of love not just the romantic type of love that is highlighted on 14th February each year. Knowing the different types of love is a great reminder to widen our perspective if only one type, the romantic type, is missing.
The four Greek words for love: Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape
- Eros is the Greek word for sensual or romantic love. (Pronounced: AIR-ohs)
- Storge is the Greek word describing family love, the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents, siblings & family members. (Pronounced: STOR-jay)
- Philia is the type of emotional love between good friends, brotherly love, love for humanity and those in need etc. (Pronounced: FILL-ee-uh)
- Agape is the highest of the four types of love as it is the divine love that comes from God. As God is love, it means Agape love is perfect, unconditional and pure love. (Pronounced: Uh-GAH-pay)
So even when romantic love isn’t around in your life, other love can still be present – such as family love, friendship love and not forgetting self-love either!
Singles, change your perspective this Valentines Day – from lonely to loved!
You can easily get sucked into feeling sorry for yourself being single on Valentine’s Day but it’s all about the tone we choose to set for the day, thoughts we allow ourselves to dwell on and what we choose to say to ourselves.
I wrote a blog post called “You are…” a SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATION to remind us how AMAZING we are! simply to do exactly that: to remind everyone who reads it, just how amazing they are. To remind you of your self-worth and your value even if you don’t have a romantic partner who sees that value in you to be in a relationship with you yet. I urge you all to follow the link at the end of this post, to read this encouraging dose of self-love and get that all important self validation – esp if you are single this Valentine’s Day.
Last year’s Valentine’s Day was tough, don’t get wrong, I was glad to be out of such a toxic relationship, however the man I had pictured my whole future with was gone forever and you are left never knowing if you will meet someone new to make a new life with, esp when your biological clock is ticking. I think I was still stuck in the mourning stage of a relationship breakdown.
I’ve been single now for just over a year & a half. Just like discussed in my last post The dangers of Tunnel Vision and how to break down the walls to widen your perspective in life at times I’ve been stuck in a tunnels with a limited perspective. At first I was stuck in a tunnel only seeing all the horrible memories of my past relationship and it’s hurts and trauma. Later on during the first year of ‘singledom’ there were times stuck in a tunnel only seeing my season of being alone and only seeing what I didn’t have. Those were for sure, times I had to purposefully get myself out of my own way and break out of those tunnels (as I speak about in the ‘Tunnel Vision’ blog post – link at the end of this post to read it.)
Strategies for being single:
Because of these emotionally tough times being single mentioned above, I had to introduce new strategies into my life. Just like I already had in the past to handle tunnel vision chronic pain can give you – but this time, I had to incorporate strategies to help me make being single the best season it could be, rather than dragging me down.
Instead, I’ve made it a time for healing past hurts, preparing for the future, growing emotionally, embracing change, being open-hearted to future opportunities and going with the flow of where life is taking me. It hasn’t been an easy process, but the end result of healing is so beautiful and by growing and blossoming into who you are as a single entity, is the best place to be in when a new relationship finds you.
Knowing who you are, what you want and remembering you wear a crown, these are the amazing outcomes from being single.
On Pinterest (virtual notice board app) I have a board called “Single Life” with sections for all things single life, relationship aims, dating questions to ask each other etc. This is a place I collect quotes, advice and reminders for myself about the positives of being single, advice for dating, tips on what to look for in your future partner, etc. It helps to keep that ‘tunnel vision’ away, keep a hope for the future and it’s possibilities for romantic love once again. As well as a reminder of self-worth and not settling for less than I deserve ever again.
In this Pinterest board I also include a section ‘Christian singles and Christian dating’ because this gives another element to being single, with beliefs that God has a husband already destined for you if that is what is meant for you in life. Also, it adds in the comforting element of knowing you are loved by God with an unconditional love whether you are single or married, so you always feel loved. That can be a great comforting knowledge for spiritual singles. My supportive sister sent me this image below to remind me of this, along with a link to the song ‘We Dance’ by Bethal Music (about God being your love) and the perfect message “HAPPY TOXIC FREE VALENTINE’S DAY!” ❤
A book that helped me was ‘The Single Woman’ by Mandy Hale. It’s an honest and encouraging book for embracing singleness and dedicating the time to loving yourself. As well as a book, Mandy has a blog and social media accounts to follow for inspiration and support for singles too.
A dose of love for singles on valentine’s Day!
So as February approached this year, I decided I would dedicate this month to an alternative to romantic love and that was self-love. I’m embracing loving myself and being the best version of myself I can be, feeding myself all the spiritual nutrients I need, telling myself the positive words I need to hear even if I don’t quite believe them yet, keeping that flicker of hope continually burning.
I really encourage you to also use this time being single as a time to become the best person you can, so that when you do meet someone you are going to be in a relationship with, you are in the best place personally to make up half of a partnership.
“Singles; I say if you haven’t got a special someone spoiling you this valentine’s Day, then go ahead and spoil yourself!” – Helen’s Journey
I treated myself to a spa day and it did wonders for clearing my mind, not just the heat & relaxation for my body. Maybe others can buy themselves some flowers, treat yourself to your favourite meal, have a candlelit bubble bath with uplifting music playing, go to the movies with friends, have a family meal, go and sit with your grandparents and talk to them about when they first met. Basically, remind yourself of all the love that exists in your life even without romantic love being present!
I hope you can join me in making Valentine’s Day when you are single a more pleasant experience. What will you treat yourself to this February? Let me know in the comment section below & lets share inspiring ideas with each other…
Here are some of my other blog posts that can help give your Valentine’s Day more perspective, comfort, empowerment, encouragement and forgiveness over past relationships:
- Click to read: HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK when life makes you HARD ON YOURSELF! A free printable Affirmation, to encourage Self-Love, Forgiveness & Letting Go…
- Click to read: “You are…” a SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATION to remind us how AMAZING we are!
- Click to read: The dangers of Tunnel Vision and how to break down the walls to widen your perspective in life
- Click to read: Survival Tips for when life feels overwhelming!
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