February: a month for LOVE not only Valentine’s Day romantic love for couples only, but other types of love for singles too!– Helen’s Journey Blog
February can be a tough month if you are single, simply because Valentine’s Day seems to make everything around us this month seem to be about love, romance and relationships.
However, this post is to reassure singles that February can be a month of love for us too! Learn about the four Greek words for the different types of love we can have in life, as well as me sharing my strategies and advice for being single. Let this post change your perspective from lonely, to loved!
I’ve never really been big on Valentine’s Day myself, maybe I never got the chance to with such an unromantic ex or because of its origins. However, I’m definitely a lover of romance any day of the year that hasn’t changed no matter how much it is missing from my life. For me, each Valentine’s Day since getting out of a long-term toxic relationship, makes me even more determined to still make it a time of love, by making it a time of self-love regardless of not having a partner to love and spoil you on the big V day!
When romance isn’t an option as there isn’t a special someone in your life to have that with, it doesn’t mean that love isn’t an option! There are many types of love, not just the romantic type of love that is highlighted on 14th February each year. Knowing the different types of love is a great reminder to widen our perspective, esp if only one type, the romantic type, is missing.
The 4 Greek Words to describe the 4 different types of love: Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape
- EROS = the Greek word for sensual or romantic love. (Pronounced: AIR-ohs)
- STORGE = the Greek word describing family love, the affectionate bond that develops naturally between parents, siblings & family members. (Pronounced: STOR-jay)
- PHILIA = the type of emotional love between good friends, brotherly love, love for humanity and those in need etc. (Pronounced: FILL-ee-uh)
- AGAPE = the highest of the four types of love as it is the divine love that comes from God. As God is love, it means Agape love is perfect, unconditional and pure love. (Pronounced: Uh-GAH-pay)
You see, even when romantic love isn’t around in your life, other love can still be present – such as family love, friendship love and not forgetting self-love either!
Singles, change your perspective this Valentines Day – from lonely to loved!
You can easily get sucked into feeling sorry for yourself being single on Valentine’s Day, yet it’s all about the tone we choose to set for the day, thoughts we allow ourselves to dwell on and what we choose to say to ourselves.
I wrote a blog post called “You are…” a SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATION to remind us how AMAZING we are! simply to do exactly that: to remind everyone who reads it, just how amazing they are. To remind you of your self-worth and your value even if you don’t have a romantic partner who sees that value in you to be in a relationship with you yet. I urge you all to follow the link at the end of this post, to read this encouraging dose of self-love and get that all important self validation – esp if you are single this Valentine’s Day.
I know it isn’t always easy or simple. The first Valentine’s Day after the end of a long term relationship was tough, don’t get wrong I was glad to be out of such a toxic relationship, however the man I had pictured my whole future with was gone forever and you are left never knowing if you will meet someone new to make a new life with, esp when your biological clock is ticking. I think I was still stuck in the mourning stage of a relationship breakdown. So as you can imagine all sorts of thoughts, worries and unknown’s were swirling around my head.
Just like discussed in my post The dangers of Tunnel Vision and how to break down the walls to widen your perspective in life at times I’ve been stuck in a tunnel with a limited perspective. At first I was stuck in a tunnel only seeing all the horrible memories of my past relationship and it’s hurts and trauma. Later on during the first year of ‘singledom’ there were times stuck in a tunnel only seeing my season of being alone and only seeing what I didn’t have. Those were for sure, times I had to purposefully get myself out of my own way and break out of those mindset tunnels before I drove myself into that pit of dark despair it is so hard to climb out of once you’re in it (as I speak about in the ‘Tunnel Vision’ blog post – link at the end of this post to read it.)
A dose of self-love for singles on Valentine’s Day!
So, as February approached this year, I decided I would dedicate this month to an alternative to romantic love and that was self-love. I’m embracing loving myself and being the best version of myself I can be, feeding myself all the spiritual nutrients I need, telling myself the positive words I need to hear even if I don’t quite believe them yet, keeping that flicker of hope continually burning.
I really encourage you to also use this time being single as a time to become the best person you can, so that when/if you do meet someone you are going to be in a relationship with, you are in the best place personally to make up half of a partnership.
“Singles; I say if you haven’t got a special someone spoiling you this Valentine’s Day, then go ahead and spoil yourself!”– Helen’s Journey Blog
This Valentines I treated myself to a spa day and it did wonders for clearing my mind, not just wonders for my body with the heat & relaxation esp when suffering from Fibromyalgia. Maybe you can buy yourself some flowers, treat yourself to your favourite meal, have a candlelit bubble bath with uplifting music playing, go to the movies with friends, have a family meal, go and sit with your grandparents and talk to them about when they first met. Basically, remind yourself of all the love that exists in your life even without romantic love being present!
Top Life Strategies for Singles:
However, because of these emotionally tough times finding myself single again after so long, as mentioned earlier in the post, I had to introduce new strategies into my life now that I was single. Just like I had already done in the past to handle the tunnel vision chronic pain can give you – but this time, I had to incorporate strategies to help me make being single the best season it could be, rather than dragging me down into a sea of loneliness.
Instead, I made it a time for healing past hurts, preparing for the future, growing emotionally, embracing change, being open-hearted to future opportunities and going with the flow of where life is taking me. It hasn’t been an easy process, but the end result of giving yourself time to heal after trauma is so rewarding. Single life gives you the time and chance to grow and blossom into who you are as a single entity, this is then the best place to be in when a new relationship does find you.
Knowing who you are, what you want and remembering you wear a crown; these are the amazing outcomes from being single.– Helen’s Journey Blog
Below are some of the strategies I incorporate into my life to help support me in this season of singleness. They range from images, quotes, books, songs and blog posts that encourage me along the way. With so much all around us of love, marriage, parenthood, romance etc. Make sure to source out these things that support you in single life not just remind you of what you haven’t got. Use these strategies of images, quotes, books, songs, blog posts etc – that promote self-care, independence, personal development etc.
Collect Images and Quotes to support you in Single Life:
On Pinterest (virtual notice board app) I have a board called “Single Life” with sections for all images and quotes to do with single life, relationship aims, dating questions to ask each other etc. This is a place I collect quotes, advice and reminders for myself about the positives of being single, advice for dating, tips on what to look for in your future partner, etc. It helps to keep that ‘tunnel vision’ away, keep a hope for the future and it’s possibilities for romantic love once again. As well as a reminder of self-worth and not settling for less than I deserve ever again.
Spiritual support for singles by using Bible verses, praise music etc to remind you of God’s love for you:
In this Pinterest board I also include a section ‘Christian singles and Christian dating’ because this gives another element to being single, with beliefs that God has a husband already destined for you if that is what is meant for you in life. Also, it adds in the comforting element of knowing you are loved by God with an unconditional love whether you are single or married, so you always feel loved. That can be a great comforting knowledge for spiritual singles. My supportive sister sent me this image below to remind me of this, along with a link to the song ‘We Dance’ by Bethal Music (about God being your love) and the perfect message “HAPPY TOXIC FREE VALENTINE’S DAY!” ❤
Gratitude App’s or lists to remind you of the other types of love you have in life and other blessings that bring you joy
In my blog post The Power of THANKFULNESS! Top Tips for logging GRATITUDE, to bring more happiness & inner peace into your life, through the joy of gratefulness! I talk about the help with my mindset I got from using a gratitude app on my phone where I wrote down things each day to be grateful for. You can read in this post how it helped change my perspective to what I do have not just what I don’t have.
As a free gift for my readers I created a ‘Gratitude Log’ for you all to write down all the other blessings in life that bring you joy that day and all the other types of love you have in life through relationships other than a romantic relationship. So click HERE to download a FREE Printable: WEEKLY GRATITUDE DIARY! Click HERE to download this Free Printable ‘WEEKLY GRATITUDE DIARY’
Affirmations to say to yourself to promote a healthy mindset towards being single:
Affirmations are another strand to my being single strategy. They are a way of reminding yourself of who you are, what you want, what you want to attract, what you do not accept, etc. When writing my blog post HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK when life makes you HARD ON YOURSELF! I included a free printable gift to my readers which was an affirmation I wrote to encourage forgiveness for yourself and others, letting go of the past and moving on into a different future. Read it below and here is the link to click to DOWNLOAD the below FREE PRINTABLE AFFIRMATION: Helen’s Journey affirmation free printable PDF
Choose books, articles, blogs and other reading materials to encourage you in Single Life:
A book that helped me was ‘The Single Woman’ by Mandy Hale. It’s an honest and encouraging book for embracing singleness and dedicating the time to loving yourself. As well as a book, Mandy has a blog and social media accounts to follow for inspiration and support for singles too.
I also have many other blog posts that I have written that can help encourage you along this journey in life and the struggles being single can bring with it: (Click each blog title to open that individual post to read)
- Self-Care Isn’t Selfish! Read about the importance of looking after yourself!
- Survival Tips For When Life Feels Overwhelming!
- The Dangers of Tunnel Vision & How to Break Down the Walls to Widen your Perspective in Life!
- “You are…” a SELF LOVE AFFIRMATION to reaffirm how amazing we actually are & a reminder of the importance of talking positively about ourselves. in our heads & out loud!
- “EVEN SAND CAN STAND WHEN ITS DESIGNED TO FALL” Life Reflection post
- “TIME, REST, BREATH” The important need to simply stop, rest, just be & breath! A slogan to remind us esp when we are stressed out or having a manic time, that we also need to take time to stop, de-stress and calm our minds and bodies down!
So, I hope you can join me in making Valentine’s Day when you are single a more pleasant experience. What will you treat yourself to this February? Let me know in the comment section below & lets share inspiring ideas with each other...Helen x
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